Turning Struggle Into Success

Jul 13

Today, a good friend of mine asked me to be on his podcast. I was honored. He asked something like, “What is one piece of advice you can share with the audience from your life?” I responded that when faced with a challenge or struggle, we can always become stronger after it and turn that experience into success. This newsletter is about how I did that… and wrote a book about it.

The Night I Stopped Waiting

People ask me where the fight comes from. The competing, the Army, the surgery, the book, the early mornings in an ice bath. The truth is a lot of it started with one phone call on my 32nd birthday.

Here's a piece of my book that captures that moment in 2021.

______________________________________________________

I was in Las Vegas at a Ringside Physician conference and must have checked my phone 527 times throughout the conference that day. Nothing. No message. No call.

I attended a Cirque Du Soleil show that night, and with 20 minutes left in the show, there it was — the call I had been waiting for. I stepped on the feet of six people stumbling across the aisle and out of the theater.

After 30 seconds of small talk, I knew I had to end it with him before I lost my nerve. I had practiced and visualized this moment.

"Well. You missed my birthday this week, and this isn't working for me. I would be the most amazing girlfriend if we were a team. But this has been a solo relationship since the beginning. And I deserve more."

As I explained the reasons for my decision, he cut me off. "I have to get back to work. Happy birthday."

And that was it. That was the last I ever heard from that guy. But, more importantly, it was the last I ever saw of the old me.

______________________________________________________

Rock Bottom Can Go One of Two Ways

Some people hit rock bottom and numb it. With alcohol. With self deprecation. With isolation. With staying in bed. Others take that same energy and create magic.

For a long time I looked successful on paper. Orthopedic surgeon, family, a dog, a purple belt in jiu jitsu. But I was going through the motions in a trance, clinging to a relationship that wasn't serving me because I was terrified of another failure. I had tied my entire sense of worth to something outside myself. A relationship. A chance at my own family. I believed that was the only way to be successful.

That night in Vegas, something broke open. I walked back into the show with tears running down my face, watched those athletes move, and felt a fire I hadn't felt in years. Two months later, I would be back to compete at Jiu Jitsu Worlds. And I wasn't going to just compete. I was going to win. That would be my magic.

The Real Work Was Internal

Here's what I learned, and what I want you to hear. My obstacle was never really my ex. My obstacle was the story I told myself. That I wasn't good enough. That I didn't have the time. That every relationship I touched would end because I was the problem.

Those are limiting beliefs, and until I dragged mine into the light and did the work to release them, no amount of training or achieving was going to fix the emptiness. The breakup wasn't the win. The win was deciding I deserved better and building a mindset to match.

Final Thoughts

We all hit rock bottom at some point. I've been there more than once, and I'll be there again. But rock bottom has a strange gift in it. It's solid ground to push off of.

If you're waiting on something or someone to change before you go claim the life you want, this is your sign. Stop waiting. The old you can end today, and the next version of you can start right now.

Don’t worry… my entire story will be published next year. Cue the cliff hanger…